My Mom-Mom delivered a child who died between my mom and her brother. They never knew if they had a boy or a girl, they just removed her baby from the room.
Before my Pop-Pop died he told us that when he went to heaven he would finally get to know if he had a boy or a girl.
Pam’s Gramma also delivered a baby that only lived a very short time. She was a girl. She saw it quickly as they removed the baby from the delivery room as they tried to save her. Pam often tells me that Gramma says, “she had jet black hair.” Her name was Mary Jane.
Gramma was in a room with 3 other women who also delivered. Gramma was the only one not to get a baby back. They told her she died and that she would be burried. To this day she doesn’t know where Mary Jane is buried, if she ever even was.
Times have changed.
When my son came out, the nurses of York Hospital cleaned my son up, clothed him, weighed him, took his foot prints, took these pictures on thier own, and handed him back to us for as long as we wanted. They are my heroes.
How can I even begin to process my son’s death? That’s why they gave us what they could: anything from that night. The yellow blanket in these pictures to his blue hat: it’s priceless to us. The stupid deer made in China you see him hold? It was the only toy he got to touch. It’s not so stupid anymore. It’s our most prized possession. These pictures have helped us, healed us, and have help us cry out for him.
Time is my friend; it helps me to move on and walk away from my pain. Time is also my enemy; forgetting is the most painful part. These pictures help us see what we can no longer see.
To the nurses at York Hospital who served us in our deepest pain all week: you have no idea how much each of you healed us that night and the following days. We will never forget how you treated our son with all the dignity he deserves. Thank you for giving us that deer.
Ben was born at 12:45am, March 10, 2009. The nurses said he could stay with us for two days in our room for all they cared. It was up to us. After 4am, just around 4 hours later, his little hands and face started to get cold. It was time for him to leave and go downstairs.
Those 4 hours changed my life forever.