The day after we buried Ben the clouds disappeared and a clear warm day somehow escaped past March’s cold rainy grip. We buried Ben about a mile from where we live in a place that we drive by constantly. At first it seemed like a great idea: we would always be near him. But the day after I began to get nervous: what will it be like driving by Ben? Will I feel guilty if I forget to look? Will I not want to look? Will I feel guilty if I don’t have time to stop by? What will it be like when I stop by? [Read more…] about 020 It was a Beautiful Day
Reading the Bible has always been difficult for me. When I took the SATs I could handle almost every part until it came time for me to reading comprehension. I clearly remember having no clue what I was reading.
When I got to college it didn’t get much better, I was just forced to do it more. So I learned how to suffer through it, but it remains a chore. I’ll never forget my first semester at Calvin. It was so easy until I took my first final exams. I had so much free time that semester. College was the best. I’ll never forget opening my first exam. I had no clue what 80% of the questions were asking me for. It was like I was in the wrong class. The professor never taught us this content I was starting at. I took my exam to the front of the class and quietly whispered, “Sir, we never covered most of this material.”
About a month after Ben died we got a package. I love packages. I love presents, so even if I ordered something for myself on the web and even if I paid for it, it’s still exciting. Sometimes I even forget what I ordered, which makes it even more exciting.
I brought the package in and opened it up. It was from the photographer that came in to York Hospital at 2am and took pictures of Benjamin, Pam and I. She was amazing. So kind, quiet, and quick. We had no idea what we should do. She took her pictures, had us hold Ben, and was gone as quick as she came. I had almost forgotten.
Since Ben was born at 34 weeks, my family began to panic realizing that his expected birthday at the end of April was approaching. They wanted to do something special for Pam and me. My mom called me up and asked what the family could do. I’m one of six kids and we are all a bit unique so that’s a packed question. Pam and I were in the middle of converting the attic into an office space and converting a small room into a master bath. There was a ton to do. We needed help with that for sure, but it all required skills. They needed a task that was fit for the talents akin to a senior high youth group on a mission trip. For one weekend.